Being invincible in your romantic relationship sounds pretty great, doesn’t it?
I know, I know. It’s hard to believe there is anything that could make you emotionally invincible in romantic relationships, as romantic relationships are one of the things in life that can make you feel the most vulnerable at times and you are afraid of getting hurt especially if you’ve been hurt before.
Feeling vulnerable can be scary! You want to protect yourself. That’s human nature and totally normal. You inadvertently want to put up walls to protect yourself but unfortunately doing so doesn’t actually protect you, it hurts you instead.
Putting up walls isolates us and separates us from others. It keeps us from being close to other people and from having real intimacy and closeness with the person we love most.
Vulnerability takes courage and is the path to real closeness, intimacy, and authenticity not only in romantic relationships but in all relationships. If you haven’t already make sure and check out Brene’ Brown on vulnerability, she’s amazing!
There is something that can make you emotionally invincible in your romantic relationship, it protects you in a way nothing else can, without keeping you from having the closeness you desire in your romantic relationship.
You’ll be surprised at just how simple it is.
If you don’t already know this prepare to have your mind blown!
So what is this mysterious, elusive, thing?
I’ll tell you.
It’s having positive self-worth and self-love.
Yep. Positive self-worth and self-love. Sounds so simple and it is but unfortunately there is work to do to counter a lifetime of messages to the contrary.
If you don’t have positive self-worth and self-love you will attract a partner that treats you accordingly and end up unhappy in your romantic relationship and sadder still, not knowing why things aren’t working, why you don’t have what you want and why you are not happy.
It’s never about the other person. It’s not their job to make you happy. It’s yours.
How do you have positive self-worth?
You fall in love with yourself!
Does this sound crazy to you? It sounded crazy to me the first time I heard it. I had fallen in love before with someone else but I hadn’t even considered the possibility of falling in love with myself. This was unheard of! I thought falling in love was something you didn’t have control over. Turns out it’s not. I have since fallen in love with myself and it’s amazing.
And so can you.
Falling in love with yourself is also known as self-love.
I know the term “self-love” gets thrown around a lot lately especially in the coaching and more “woo woo”, and spiritual online circles, and it can seem really vague and unclear. It is often mistakenly thought to mean masturbation (which is one form of self-love or as it also known as self-pleasure which is important but is not the type of self-love we are talking about at the moment).
What kind of self-love are we talking about?
The past couple of weeks we have been learning about self-care and why it’s important to have a happy, healthy romantic relationship. Be sure to check out our previous posts for more information.
Self-love builds upon the same concept of I am enough and goes hand in hand with self-care. Are you seeing a trend here?
Everything starts with yourself.
If you do the exercises in last week’s post you will find your confidence grows and your self-love grows naturally.
You recognize how worthy, how unique, and how valuable you are, your love and appreciation for yourself intensifies.
This is how to fall head over heels in love with yourself.
Falling in love with yourself is such a beautiful gift, one that I wish everyone in the world could have.
The process of transformation that takes place when someone falls in love with themselves is the reason I became a relationship alchemist and why I do what I do.
When someone learns to love themselves the transformation that takes place in their romantic relationship and their life is nothing short of miraculous. It is magic.
I want magic in my life, as much as possible, do you?
Taking steps to acknowledge your infinite value and worth are what lead to you falling in love with yourself.
- Taking yourself out for dates (this is one of my favorite things! I especially love going to the movies alone).
- Doing what you love.
- Learning and living your values. (We’re going to explore this more soon! It’s so important!)
- Appreciating yourself.
- Daily Mantras to help reprogram your mind.
- Gratitude practice.
One practice that served me was to write a list of 200 things that are awesome about myself. I made it a sort of arts and crafts project and used lots of beautiful colors because I love color.
Give it a try. Then look at it often. You might be pleasantly surprised at just how wonderful you really are!
Loving yourself is the only way have what you want in a relationship. Here’s why:
Loving yourself is the only way to attract a partner at a similar vibration to have what you want, and if you’re already in a relationship it’s the only way to transform your relationship or shift out of a relationship that isn’t working if the relationship cannot change.
The only person you can change is yourself. If you change yourself you can change or transform your relationship. If the relationship won’t change—you won’t accept it and will have no choice but to change it.
It is when we don’t love ourselves and don’t fully know and appreciate ourselves that we attract partners that do not treat us the way we want to be treated and the way we deserve to be treated because we don’t feel like we are worthy of anything more. We may not even realize this is what is happening or what we are doing.
Often our boundaries get trampled on because we don’t even know what they are. We become doormats or people-pleasers, even martyrs.
We may not even know what we want so we attract all kinds of chaos and create what we don’t want.
We may think we know what we want just to find ourselves attracting the opposite of what we want again and again.
On the most basic level, the reason for that is because we are not living in our authenticity and recognizing our worth. We are not loving and valuing ourselves. We don’t have positive self-worth.
Relationships will always serve as mirrors reflecting our own self-worth back to us.
Having a partner that shares your values is essential. So you have to know what they are.
If you value yourself and truly love yourself you will not accept being undervalued by someone you love.
No matter what happens in the relationship you are solid in yourself. You will be okay.
This is why self-worth and self-love make you emotionally invincible in romantic relationships.
I’d love to hear from you. What stood out most to you about this post? Is the idea of self-worth and self-love a new concept to you?
Please share in the comments below and be as detailed as possible. What you share could inspire or help someone else.
P.S. Please don’t share any links to outside websites; any links will be deleted.
Have questions for me?
Please email me: [email protected]eeclark.com
Your question may be answered in a future blog post!