Why are personal values important in romantic relationships?
Everyone has values even if they don’t realize it.
We base everything we do in our lives on our values whether consciously or subconsciously.
Having a partner that shares and respects your values is essential to having a happy, healthy, relationship, so you have to know what your values are.
If you value yourself and truly love yourself, you will not accept being undervalued by someone you love.
No matter what happens in the relationship if you value yourself you are solid in yourself, you will be okay.
We define what’s important to us by what we value.
We create our boundaries based on our values.
What if you are not aware of what your values are?
No need to worry, I’ll help you with that. I was in that boat myself not too long ago.
I was totally unaware of what I valued until boundaries I didn’t know I had was crossed. To be totally honest with you that still happens to me from time to time. After a lifetime of being told what my values were by the religion I grew up in and being a life-long pleaser, I’m still learning what and what *my* values and boundaries are.
And like many things in life sometimes we learn those lessons the hard way. We think we’re okay with something until we find out we’re not. It can be quite shocking.
Sometimes that’s how we learn what is important to us, by experiencing the opposite. When something that happens that is not in alignment with our values we feel it. Our intuition gives us a ping that something doesn’t feel right about what we just experienced. It’s an inner warning sign telling us something is wrong.
Far too often women ignore this warning sign. They don’t speak up when that happens and issues and resentments begin to grow in the relationship and the women themselves may become ill. It seems that when we ignore our feelings we can experience pain and dis-ease and disease in our bodies.
It’s important to know and speak up for your values and yourself!
How can I figure out what my values are?
One of the first books I read years ago that helped me figure out what some of my values are was The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management by Hyrum W. Smith. In fact I would like to revisit this book again with a new perspective.
If you’re like me, the title may seem a bit misleading. Successful Time and Life Management? What does that have to do with my values?
I read this book because I was struggling with managing my time. It seemed no matter what I did or how carefully I planned I would end up late to things or run into unexpected issues, problems or delays that I didn’t know how to deal with. I didn’t know how to manage my time very well in spite of serious effort to do so. I knew I needed help and this book seemed like an option worth exploring. It was, it’s an excellent book and I highly recommend it.
It turns out that in order to manage our time and our life successfully we have to know what our values are, and this book gives some eye-opening examples of how Smith assisted his clients in determining what their values were and practical exercises to figure out your own value system.
How do you want to feel?
Another resource that was very helpful to me in my journey to gain clarity around my values was Danielle Laporte’s The Desire Map. Laporte’s focus is on how you want to feel. She helps you discover what your core desired feelings are so you can make choices that support you in feeling that way. From her website Laporte says, “Knowing how you actually want to feel is the most potent form of clarity that you can have. Generating those feelings is the most powerfully creative thing you can do with your life.”
My core desired feelings right now are:
After nearly a decade of feeling unsupported in my previous marriage feeling supported and having a supportive partner is extremely high on my value list in my romantic relationship.
Knowing how you want to feel and what your values are are two powerful ways you can intentionally create a successful life and a happy, healthy romantic relationship. How do you want to feel?
Our values are the foundation for our success in life and love.
That’s why even though Hyrum W. Smith’s book is titled The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management, the first thing you learn is about your value system.
It’s the necessary foundation for everything that comes next. You cannot be successful in life or love if you aren’t intentional about your value system.
We can apply the same or similar principles for successful time and life management to relationship management too.
Knowing your values/value system lays the groundwork for your success in your romantic relationship too.
Values and boundaries go hand in hand.
In our next post, we’re going to explore the connection between values and boundaries and how having boundaries is essential for having a happy, healthy, romantic relationship.
Be sure and check back!
I’d love to hear from you.
What are your values? How do you want to feel? Do you know? If so, please share in the comments below and be as detailed as possible. What you share could inspire or help someone else.
If not I encourage you to find out by using the resources shared in this post or another resource that resonates with you. It just might change your romantic relationship and your life. (Then come on back and share in the comments! I can’t wait to hear from you.)
P.S. Please don’t share any links to outside websites; any links will be deleted.
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Your question may be answered in a future blog post!